Make Sunnyvale Trailer Park Great Again!

One of our roommates is leaving. This means that one of the rooms in our stupendous community house, affectionately dubbed the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, is available, starting Oct 1st, 2018.

THE ROOM:
Room measures 10' x 10' and has a closet. A window, too!

THE HOUSE:
An incredible amount of indoor space, with two sun rooms greatly expanding the communal space in the house. Plenty of hallway storage. All the usual suburban house amenities.
Feel like cooking a snack?

• Head to the kitchen! Eat your food in one of the two table-free dining areas!
  Need to do your laundry?
• No problem, use the washer & dryer!
  Is the floor dirty?
• Pick up a broom and sweep it!
  Want to build yourself some furniture?
• Do it on the driveway!
  Too tired to think?
• Head to the living room, plop down on Big Brown (the enormous mega-plush couch), fire up the projector, and watch Roommate #1 play Skyrim for 15 hours straight!

THE YARD:
The house is situated on a ridiculously awesome 10,000 sq ft lot with ample outdoor space.
Trying to have a BBQ?

• Invite some friends over and cook away on the deck!
  Interested in growing your own herbs and vegetables?
• Cool, you're also in charge of composting all of our food waste from now on!
  Did you impulsively buy an above-ground pool and now you need to set it up?
• Throw it in the massive side yard. Forget about it for a year, and come back to it to discover that a family of feral cats has taken up residence underneath it!

THE LOCATION:
Excellent location. Negligible commute time to any place you might conceivably work at (Google, Apple, ... employers that aren't Google or Apple yawn)
Walking distance (half a mile) to Lawrence Caltrain
Neighbors haven't called the cops on us once!

THE PEOPLE:
The most important part of the house: your amazing new housemates!
We're a group of strong personalities in our late twenties and early thirties, with boring jobs and even boringer hobbies that keep us busy.
Housemate #1 enjoys surfing and climbing things.
Housemate #2 enjoys climbing mountains and then barreling down them at high speeds.
Housemate #3 enjoys competitive jeopardy and not stepping on sneks.
Housemate #4 enjoys building unwieldy structures, hauling them long distances, and then destroying them in epic fashion.
Housemate #5 enjoys paper bags and scratching things.

THE NEW HOUSEMATE (YOU!):
Must be employed
Must not be a dick
Must not burn the fucking house down*
Must contribute one (or more) posters to our JCVD tribute wall
Must not have any animals**

THE EXPENSES:

• $640 security deposit
• pg&e ~ $50 / month
• high speed internet ~$20 / month
• water & trash ~ $30 / month

CONTACT US:

• A/S/L & phone#
• Social media links
• Got a job?
• How long do you want to live here?
• Do you want to move a bunch of shit in?
• What is your favorite movie, and why is it timecop, which is like looper (starring bruce willis), but like one million times better?
• Anything else you want us to know?

The above are just a starting point- we are not looking for a tenant, we're looking for a roommate, so describe yourself. If the ad is up, we still don't have a new roommate on the lease. You better suck as much as we do.

*Unless you have something really cool in mind, then let's talk
**Kids count as animals