Stanford student researcher seeking summer sublet

Alliteration!

But seriously, I'm seeking a summer sublet in the non-pricey range (~$800/mo or less, maybe?). The date range I'm looking for is from 6/10 to 9/22. I'm a Stanford male student doing research in the aerospace department over the summer in turbulent oblique shock simulations. As much of a nerd as I sound, I'm equally friendly, clean, and respectful. I'm a non-smoker (and I hope you are too!), I rarely ever drink, and I tend to crack jokes a lot. I can also cook (and I've my own cookware). Being the amiable guy that I am, I wouldn't mind male or female roommates, and don't worry--I'm not a sketchball (i.e. not looking for a relationship).

I can fix your bike, explain rocketry for you, fascinate you with the many interesting mechanisms in your car(s), upgrade and clean your desktop computer (or alternatively build you a new one for half the cost and twice the power as the leading competitor), provide almost the same service for your laptop, philosophize about space and time, serve you dishes of my native cuisine, flash remnants of my soccer brilliance from my younger years, discuss great music and songs of my childhood, be your gym trainer and teach you the art of one-handed push-ups, hold conversation about the plethora of JSOC's SF units, teach you how to create your own Flash-based dynamic website on the Stanford servers, show you my Gambit-like fruit-slicing card-throwing ability, and amuse you with my rough-and-tumble upbringing as a refugee born in the southern jungles of a remote town who immigrated to the 'hoods outside of Philadelphia. But no worries, I'm as safe as they come. Honest.

TL;DR:
Help. I need a sublet. ~$800/mo range, from 6/10 - 9/22. Stanford student, clean, non-smoker, respectful, quiet, useful.

Please email me at nhn@stanford.edu with serious offers, comical encouragement, or a post-graduation job / Ph.D program offer. Thanks.