Total weirdo seeking woman way out of his league

Hey everyone!

I'm a guy living in EV. I'm extremely creepy and have no idea how to take a hint when people don't want to talk to me. I spend most of my time doing mathematics, which makes me a terrible conversationalist about pretty much anything other than math. Of course, I stay as far away from applied math as possible, because everyone knows the real jobs are in abstract nonsense.

I'm beginning my masters at a time when a lot of people are fishing up their PhDs but pretend to be oblivious to that. Even though I weigh like 220 pounds, am chronically flatulent and shave irregularly, I'm totally shallow and expect you to be stunningly gorgeous (I recommend sending a pic so you can distinguish yourself in the flood of messages I'm about to receive.).

My job doesn't fully pay the bills, so I bum some money off my parents every once in a while, which is cool. If I forget to do that, you should expect to pay my bills for me at the last minute.

I like to watch some sports, but not local teams because that would be too normal. I listen to weird music that everyone hates but me. I play the accordion. I have no sleep schedule, but I'll be sure to guilt trip you when you accidentally wake me up at 3pm.

Also, please meet me within five minutes of my apartment, because I don't like driving or biking. I refuse to have a lengthy conversation over email, so be sure to give me some sort of instant messenger or phone number so I can harass you 24/7, and/or ignore you when convenient, because hey, school is a good excuse for that, right?